Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
