I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
