We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
