We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
