I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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