the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
