grandma shit on top of the toilet
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
