I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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