Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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