she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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