hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
