YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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