I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
