if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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