So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
