I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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