you guys were way drunker than both of me
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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