and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
