When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
