i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
