My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
