the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
