Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i think i just lost a toe
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