Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
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