She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
