Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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