i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
