Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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