and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
