My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
