That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
