He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
