even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
