Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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