do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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