and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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