thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
