so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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