Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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