I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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