my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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