Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
