i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Randomize
