I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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