Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize