Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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