can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dickโs house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow Iโve got dick to spare!!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
Randomize
