I have demons in me.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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