you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
