Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
