Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
