This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
